Growing up

My beautiful Jayd is 12 now and growing up so fast. She has had such a rough road that I can't help but brag. When she was 7 she was diagnosed with A.D.D. but I refused medication because honestly it just wasn't to the point that I could justify the need for life long meds. SO instead we chose a more natural approach of diet adjustment and organized, structured home life. And it did help. She has struggled in school and has been offered additional education outside of the classroom. But she wasn't held back by it, it didn't stop her from flourishing.
ON her 12 birthday after months of her being sick with stomach flu like symptoms she was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. The doctors have no explanation because she is so active. She is on the swim team swimming 6-12 hours a week! But her body just isn't processing sugars like it should be. So now we are forced to do further diet adjustments to basically remove all sugars from her diet. It has been hard but we are doing what we must for her. And truthfully all of us. I have lost 18lbs. and she has 10. Her stomach problems are still there if she doesn't eat right but it is far less then it was and if need be we will be putting her on life long meds. something I have fought so hard to not do.
through all these struggles she has still thrived and succeeded in school, nothing will hold her back. She is on the principles list with a G.P.A. of 3.63 and the teachers say just a joy to have in class and treats everyone with equal respect. I am so proud of who she is becoming and all her accomplishments. We have let nothing hold her down and told her that while it might be a little harder for her there is no reason to strive for anything but the best in her life. And she is! She might spend more time on her homework and she might not be able to eat all the cake and candy at her friends birthday parties but she is still enjoying everything that is offered to her.
I have been told by some other parents that I am to hard on her and expecting all A's out of someone with a learning disabiltiy is setting her up for failure and to them I say not expecting 100% from her is what is going to set her up for failure. If we don't expect our children to reach for the stars they are never going to believe that skies are the limit. We must believe in our children in order for them to have the confidence to strive for success. Without our faith in them they will never have faith in themselves.

Not so Dirty 30

My 30th Birthday is in 2 weeks and I think I am gonna throw up. I am not where I expected to be at 30. If you would have told me when I was 20 that I would be starting over as a single mother of 3 at 30 I would have laughed at you! Psssssssshhhhhttt! No,not me! I am gonna be married stable in a career an set up financially! Hahahahaha,what a joke. I left my career to be a mom, I stayed with a man that I knew wouldn't stay with me and don't have 2 pennies to rub together for a good time.
I am happy as the mother of 3 of the most incredible children I could of ever been blessed with but sometimes i feel like that's not enough. And then I feel guilty. Should I be content with what I have? Am I ungrateful for what I have been given in this life? I'm not sure. I do know that outside of my children my life is not what I want it to be. I want to have something to do when the kids are with there father, someone to spend time with but I just don't know how to meet someone or if I truly am ready for that.

I am just not where I thought I would be or where I feel I should be for that matter.

I want to be happy. I want what I have to be enough. I want to be grateful for this life God has blessed me with. I'm just not. I'm really not happy anymore.

I think I need to see a therapist. I do think I am going through something that's not normal everyday depression. I don't think my meds are doing what they're suppose to. Is this too much info? Am I putting to much out there? Am I nuts? IS this to many questions for me to be asking and should I just let life happen? I feel like I should have more answers to my life, not so many questions.

Bottom line, I'm not happy.......

Not Divorced but as close to it as I can get.

This year has been a struggle out the gate. I don't know how else to start this blog. On January 1st the love of my life walked in the door and told me he didn't love me anymore and didn't think he ever would. The Earth shook my knees buckled and I looked at him as if he was an Idiot because of course he is.I knew we were having problems but what sudomarriage doesn't? We would work through them and be in love like we always have for the past 13 years. Then he dropped the big bomb,he was moving out. I have been in this boat before and honestly had told myself if it ever happened again I was gonna stick to my guns this time. So I told him I thought we should speak to our Pastor, he said "Melissa there's no point there's no fixing it".....Uhhhh what I just found out all this info and am having a little hard time processing it. But still I said the words that would rip my world apart, the ones that would steal my children's hearts. The ones I have been afraid to say for 13 years "If you leave there is no coming back this time, I can't take it, the kids can't take it, its just not fair anymore" Then I cried every second that the kids weren't home and when they got home I wiped away the tears and was the strong Mommy they needed me to be for them.
So I sit here for the first time since he left and reflect on all the things I could have done different, am I right in letting him go? Could I have persuaded him to stay? Will my children ever forgive me? Is there someone out there meant for me? Could I have avoided this 6 years ago by not letting him come back? I don't have any of these answers and know that I most likely never will but I still beat myself up on a regular basis about what I could of done different or whether telling him he can't come back was the right thing to do but I do know that my kids can't keep going through this and even if its not what I expected my life to be I know that in the long run my kids couldn't keep watching there Dad come and go......

Louis but I call him Dad

My Dad is amazing, always has been always will be. There is very little I can say bad about him. He raised my sister and I on his own from the time I was just barley 1. Working 3 jobs at times just to make ends meat. He didn't do everything right but he certainly didn't do it wrong either.
I love him with all my heart. I always compare a man to him. If my Daddy could do it alone you should be able to too. He never complained and refused any help form the government. He was and is Super Man. But now he's sick and there is no magic wand to make him all better.
He never goes to the doctor, ever! So when he called me and asked if I was sitting down then proceeded to tell me he was in the hospital well I dropped , I sobbed and then I went to him. He had gone to Urgent Care because he thought he had a cold and they sent him straight to the hospital where he was admitted to ICU. He was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and fluid on the lungs. He was there for 5 days and they couldn't figure out what was causing his heart rate to be 178/95! They did get it lowered 125/80 but not where it needed to be. He was sent home 2 days ago and now we wait to see what the cardiologist says. It hurts so bad to know your Dad is ill and you can't make him all better and whether the doctors can either. I'm scared. I'm stressed. I'm broken. He has to get better cause I will get worse if he doesn't. I can't lose my Dad he is my everything. I just want him all better and his normal ornery self.
Please Pray for his health and my sanity......

I'm Back

Finally I'm back! My new resolution is start blogging again. I got pregnant in 2008 and was going through so much with my family, then we cut our Internet so was just unable to continue blogging. But now I'm gonna hop back on the train and really stick with it this time.
I am recently single after 13 years and raising my kiddo's all alone. The thing is that I love it! I miss my relationship and it is difficult facing one of my biggest fears of my kids coming from a single parent home but I am so happy for myself and my independence.
There is so much to update on I guess I will take it one day at a time and see where my life is headed. But for now I wanted to say, I'm back!!!!

Spring Break

(here's a pic of Jayd and her cousin Drew at the park)
I am so excited for Spring Break, and so are the kids. Nick and I decided to take the week off also so we can spend time as a family. Today we are kicking it off with a Dentist appt. . Ace had to get a few fillings today, they give him a liquid sedative similar to Valium. It can be quite funny. His equal Librium is off and he does some pretty funny things. So needless to say we are sticking around the house. Tomorrow we are gonna go to the local skate rink and spend the day, the kids love this. On Thursday we will head over to the Coast for a couple of days of fun the Saturday we have my beautiful niece Leah's Birthday. It will be fun filled and relaxing all at the same time.
WE also had a surprise Party for Jayd with some of her Friends this weekend I will be going through pics and videos to do a post later this week on it. Her face when she walked in was priceless, she started to cry she was so shocked!! Her expression alone made all the stress and work worth it.
Happy Spring break to everyone.

Hoopster Girls

WE had such a busy weekend! Boy am I glad its over. Jayd had basketball tournaments all weekend, starting Friday night at 7:30. Lets just say thats kinda late for the folks in my house.

The girls did great. WE lost by 1 point on Friday, won on Saturday and win on Sunday. OUr girls did great! I am sooooo proud of them. My heart wants to explode every time i see my girl out there on the court fighting for the ball. She is so sweet and passive it took her along time to really get aggresive on the court. But on Saturday while she was batteling for the ball she got taken down to the ground! Big mistake for the other girl because my 110 lbs. girl fell on top of her! But Jayd did come out with a few bruises. And on Sunday my gril got one of her very few foul's! Yes people I am proud of that! If you ever met her you would be too.

So allas basketball season has come to an end with The Hoopsters ranking 2nd in league and 3rd in tournament!

She is going to do track in April then Softball starts in MAy.....we are busy people over here folks! Very busy!

Oh and the boy gets to play soccer with the Kinders. this season bacause he is 6 in October. Probably an good idea since he towers over ALL of the pre-schoolers.LOL

03/11/1999

Today is the day I became a mother. Jayd Rene was born at 8:41 a.m. weighing 6 lbs. 14 oz. 19 in. long. She was perfect! So tiny and dark and perfect! I loved her more then I had ever loved anything before and I had just met her. I was going to be everything to her. i was going to be the mom that my mom wasn't able to be.

I took all the parenting classes I could before and after she was born. I was going to be the expert! And I was, with allot of help from my mom. Jayd was my world! Everything I did was for her. She brought my mom and I together after so many years apart. She was our Angel. If it wasn't for her I have no clue where I would be or what would have happened between my mom and me.

She was an amazing infant and an even greater 10 year old. I am blessed to be her Mom. There is no greater job that I could do. She made me the woman I am, she completed my life. She made it worth living and living right. Through her I reclaimed my relationship with my mom, built one with her dad, and found God again. I am the one blessed to be called her Mommy.

(I know these pics are blurry, sorry.)

Poor me

I'm sick. I feel terrible. I need sympathy.

I thought I was just tired form the party but when I woke up on Sunday with and ear ache, sore throat, body aches and headache. Well I knew I was sick. So here's to getting better.

Lots of fluids and lots of rest. Oh and plenty of cold medicine!

Turning 10

Today Jayd had a couple of girls stay the night to celebrate her turning 10 on the 11Th. Not a party at first but that's what it turned in to! LOL We had a pinata, Guitar Hero battles and swimming! I am beat, the girls were up til' 3:00 a.m. doing make overs! But no time to fret we have another friends party to get to. So here's a couple of highlights from the evening.

Oh and by the way the pinata was impossible to break. The kids tore it out of the cieling while hitting it so I had them all tear into it and it still took awhile for them to get into it!

New camera pics

Movie Night

Yesterday Nick had a great success at work so we decided to celebrate. We ordered a pizza and rented a couple of movies. LOL I rented The Lucky Ones for us after the kids went to Bed and Labyrinth for us to watch as a family. The Lucky ones looked really good on previews but was actually really terrible, you know the ones where you are just sitting there waiting for something to happen. And nothing does! It was terrible, really. But The Labyrinth however, was as good as when I was a kid. Ace loved it! He was cracking up through the whole thing. There is nothing cuter then hearing your kids giggle non-stop through a whole movie.*sigh* ;) Nothing like the wild life of parenting!

A day with the Boy

Today my mom and I took Ace to see Bolt at the $1.50 movies while Jayd was at a Birthday Party. It was such a cute movie! I strongly recommend it to anyone with kids or just in the mood to see a good cartoon. We had a blast and went looking for any good deals at the mall. Ace and I each got a sweater for $3.60 each. Gotta love a good clearance sale. Then picked Jayd up and had dinner. Not to exciting but really relaxing. Tomorrow Ace has a dentist appt. at 8:00 a.m. so wish me luck! He has to be sedated so he will be out of it for the majority of the day. Maybe I will get a video of him while he is out of it!

New Camera

I am so excited. I can't wait to read the maual then get out there and tale some pics!!!

Walking to the Bus stop.

My daughter walks half a block to the bus stop for school everyday. If I step outside our Cull-De-sac I can see her the whole way. This year I started letting her walk with a friend by themselves after many a conversation how she's the only one who's mom walks them and waits. Well there is a reason why. A couple of days ago my daughter and friend were on there normal wrought. They crossed another Cull-DE-sac checked for any cars and there were none. They were in the middle of the street when a car whips around the corner swerves towards and around behind them hits my daughters backpack pulling her backwards! My daughter was VERY shackin and was crying at the bus stop when the car comes back around yelling at her to "watch out for her in her car"! I get a phone call from the school shortly after my daughter leaves with all this info. They explain to me that when my daughter leaves our home for school she is at that time in the school custody so she is there responsibility and they are working on pressing charges but I should call and file a complaint with the local police department as well.
Mt daughter is in 4Th grade and I can no longer allow her to walk to the end of our street without an adult because other adults are irresponsible. My daughter is completely trust worthy to walk on her own but because I can not trust other people she will no longer be walking without me. I will be escorting her to and from the stop from mow on. What kind of world are we in when other parents are trying to hit our kids because they are in a hurry? My child's life was not important to this woman so it was no big deal for her to hit her with her car? Thats is obserd abd ridiculous. This woman will suffer the consequences. She will have charges pressed against her. She will suffer for her actions.

Have you met Miss 9?

I don't know if you've heard of her. This Miss 9 I am talking about. I would like to introduce you to her. Female, 4'10", around 100 lbs. . She is a peach I must tell you. She mysteriously appeared about 11 months ago in the form of my beautiful little girl. I have asked her to leave nicely but that hasn't worked she's still here. I forbid her to show her face around here again and yet she is still around! I can't figure out how to get rid of her! I took her belongings and she still stayed. I grounded her for weeks on end and she didn't budge. I can't get the thing out of my house!

Miss 9 is set to leave in a few weeks and I couldn't be happier Miss 10 has kindly offered to take her place(I hope Miss 10 is much more bare able)because Miss 9 is no longer welcome in my home. She has over stayed her welcome. She will no longer have the family living on egg shells. she will no longer have me wondering what personality is coming home from school. She will no longer hate everyone in this house! Good bye Miss 9! And good riddance!

I will end our relationship with a quote from knocked up " I know this is the hormones talking so I just want to tell you hormones F-you, hormones! You are a crazy B!#*h HORMONES! Peace I'm out!"

*this blog is to my daughter. I love and miss you so.

The week

This week has been fairly uneventful. I am not doing much around the house, a major case of procrastination has kicked in. Nick has been on vacation so I have become extremely lazy! Just the usual volleyball and getting ready for Thanksgiving which hasn't been so difficult seeing as were going to my father in laws. So I guess I will write another Post after Thanksgiving and my black friday shopping extravaganza ! So to all of you out there have a wonderful Holiday!

So this is my beautiful sister and her kids. I love them so much. Our relationship has grown and developed over the years to the most amazing bond. I would do anything for her. She is the one person who has been there for me through everything, and always on my side! When I do something she doesn't agree with she just smiles and tells me she loves me. She is the one person in my life I can truly trust 110%.
When we were growing up she was the person to make sure I had clean laundry, dinner before bed, and got to school on time. She took care of me when she could of just let me fin for myself. She took on so much responsibility and was only 2 years older then me. She was my mother in a sense. She should of never had to do that but she did and never complained. She is amazing! I love her with all of my heart and hope to be half the person she is one day. She is the woman I idolize!

Were hitting the road

Today we have decided to take a little trip over the mountain. We are going to take a quick trip to see my sister and her family. Its been a couple of moths and I thought i shsould get over the mountain befor the snow hits. So here is to hopes that this isn't going to happen to us again!

Today.....

Today is the day! I am going to finally start this blogging thing! I mean do I have anything better to do? Between watching kids....3 besides my lovely 2. Coaching 4th grade girls volleyball. And being a loving commited and might I ad BEAUTIFUL wife!(that in itself should be enough for the week I say) So this is my new venture....wish me luck! And lets hope for more tomorrow.